Sunday, March 22, 2009


We Can Work It Out

March 22, 2008 • Chris Goins

SOS 5:2 (NIV), I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night."

(Bride) SOS 5:3 (ESV), I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?

ALL COUPLES FIGHT Every relationship that involves at least TWO thinking, feeling, opinionated, occasionally selfish, occasionally prideful, occasionally sinful people – it doesn’t matter whether it’s parents and children, employees and employers, friends, people in a dating relationship, or people who’ve been married for 26 years – is going to experience conflict…

Causes of Conflict:

1. Unmet Expectations.

2. Old Fashioned Selfishness.


These four words are the ALTAR or MONUMENT at which many of us choose to worship… In contrast to the way the writer’s of Scripture challenged us to live:

Philippians 2:3 (NLT), Don't be selfish… Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.

James 4:1-2 (NIV), What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it.

3. Pride.

How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationships:

Song of Solomon 5:4-6 (NIV), My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. 5 I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. 6 I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. (See 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, Revelation 3:20)

1. Refuse to react to your spouse. Instead, make a decision to respond to God.

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV), Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV), Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

(See Proverbs 25:21-22 and Romans 12: 21)

1 Peter 2:23 (NLT), He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.

SOS 5:7 (NIV), The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls!

2. Focus on the good, not the bad.

(Friends) SOS 5:9 (NIV), How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women? How is your beloved better than others, that you charge us so?

See SOS 5:9-16

3. Make a pre-determined commitment that you refuse to walk, but you’re going to work until you work it out.

(Bride’s Friends) SOS 6:1 (NIV), Where has your lover gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your lover turn, that we may look for him with you?

(Bride) SOS 6:2-3 (NIV), My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. 3 I am my lover's and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.

5 Ways People Respond To Conflict:

• My Way (Control)

• No Way! (Cede / Withdrawal)

• Your Way! (Capitulate)

• Half Way! (Compromise)

• Our Way! (Collaboration)

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV), Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


Megan @ Hold it Up to the Light said...

My husband Chris and I (and our kids) visited your church for the first time on Sunday. In a nutshell, we were blown away! Your message, and the entire experience has been on my heart and mind from the moment we walked out of your doors. We are on a journey to find where we need to be (as far as church goes), and we plan to come back. We are looking forward to getting to know you and your congregation more...

Shannon Johnson said...

Chris - GREAT service!!! Thank you for doing what you do. You totally delivered....and said it just as we needed to hear it. My girlfriend that was with me was still talking about it today. Thank you! We are praying for you this week and look forward to the wrap up this coming Sunday!