The Power of Two Words: "I'm Sorry."

I ran across this article on one of the RSS feeds I subscribe to earlier today...

Wow! There is incredible power in two little words: "I'm sorry."

What happens when a church admits, "We blew it. We were wrong. We made a mistake?"

Healing. Healing in the lives of those hurt and healing for the church.

Check out this story that appeared in The Sacramento Bee yesterday.

Pretty powerful stuff.


In the spirit of peace, church apologizes to those it has hurt
By Jennifer Garza
jgarza@sacbee.com
Published: Monday, Sep. 14, 2009 - 12:00 am | Page 1A
Last Modified: Monday, Sep. 14, 2009 - 10:27 am

The Rev. Rick Cole stepped onto the podium Sunday and into the Sacramento church's troubled past.

In front of a packed and stunned congregation, the senior pastor of Capital Christian Center apologized to anyone who had been hurt by the church, acknowledging pain that church leaders may have caused individuals and the community.

The pastor then mentioned two people "whose stories attracted national media attention and caused a lot of pain."

Both were in the audience of 2,400 people.

One was Christina Silvas. In 2001, church officials asked Silvas to withdraw her daughter from the church-run school because Silvas was working as a stripper. On Sunday, Silvas sat with her daughters during the worship service.

Ben Sharpe, who had been banned from his eighth-grade graduation in 1995 after getting a buzz cut, sat with his mother and family friends during the service. School officials had prohibited Sharpe, an African American and a star student, from participating in the ceremony because his haircut violated school policy.

The church's action set off a media firestorm, with many accusing church leaders of racism.

Fourteen years later, Cole made an emotional plea to Sharpe.
"On behalf of leaders who did not intend to betray Ben Sharpe and his family, but by our actions much pain was caused, I want to publicly ask forgiveness," said Cole, struggling to control his emotions. "I also want to apologize to our community for the seeds sown of racial division."

Cole left the podium, walked over to Sharpe and embraced him and his mother, Faye. The congregation rose in a standing ovation, many people reaching for tissues.

Cole's apology is the latest and most high-profile one to date by a Sacramento-area pastor.

In recent months, other church leaders have apologized and made efforts to reach out to people who may feel hurt or betrayed by religion and have left the church.

At Impact Community Church in Elk Grove, congregants made gift baskets and dropped them off at gay civil-rights organizations and strip clubs with attached notes apologizing for the words and actions of some religious leaders. On Good Friday, Flood, Restoration Life and Vineyard Christian Fellowship posted apologies at downtown kiosks. Under a picture of Pat Robertson someone had written, "He doesn't speak for me."

Cole said he decided to apologize while preparing for this week's sermon.

"This has been weighing on my heart," the pastor said in an interview before the sermon. "This should have been done long ago, I don't want to let any more time go by."

After the sermon, Silvas, teary-eyed, called Cole's heartfelt apology amazing. "For so long all I felt was shame - people whispered about me, calling me the stripper mom," said Silvas, 31.

She said she had been urged by friends and attorneys to sue Capital Christian but had declined.

Now working for the state, Silvas quietly returned to the church about a year ago. Last year, she said, Cole and other church leaders offered a full scholarship to Silvas' two daughters.

"Coming back to church and my girls going to school here is more valuable than what any settlement would have bought," she said.

Sunday was the first time Sharpe has stepped into the sanctuary at Capital Christian Center in 14 years.

Church leaders at the time had said Sharpe's haircut violated school policy, which had been written to discourage students from adopting a skinhead look.

Cole does not want to criticize school leaders at the time. His father, Glen Cole, was pastor of the church-run school.

"The letter of the law was applied instead of the spirit of it," said Cole during his sermon. "The letter of the law kills, while the spirit gives life."

The Sharpe family later reached a legal settlement with the church.

Sharpe said he had put the incident behind him long ago. He agreed to attend Sunday's service because he said church officials seemed sincere.

"The power of those two words, 'I'm sorry' - it's incredible." Sharpe said. He said watching and listening to Cole "was something I'll never forget." "Fourteen years ago, I would never have imagined this would have happened," said Faye Sharpe. "He didn't have to do this....It's wonderful that he did."

Sharpe, who will be 28 on Wednesday, went on to have a stellar academic career. In 1999, he graduated from Jesuit High School as valedictorian.

He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in civil engineering from Stanford. He is working on his doctorate at UC Davis and is a researcher at a nonprofit group, the International Council on Clean Transportation, in San Francisco.
Four years ago, Sharpe, who was working in Texas as an engineer, was walking on the street when he was struck by a car. He has undergone 16 surgeries and has since recovered.

Sunday, more wounds were healed.

"Finally," Sharpe said, his voice catching. "After all these years, closure."