Monday, January 31, 2011

RELATIONSHIPS - Game Plan Part 5 Extended Notes

Here are the extended notes from yesterday's message on RELATIONSHIPS. Keep in mind, you can download the entire podcast on a2's website by clicking here, or you can find us on iTunes. Just type "a2 Church" into the iTunes search engine... Enjoy!


RELATIONSHIPS
Game Plan - Part 5
January 30, 2011

George Gallup has said, “Americans are among the LONELIEST PEOPLE on the planet.” ~ Randy Frazee, The Connecting Church

STAT: According to one study by the Washington Post, one out of every four Americans say they don’t have ANYONE they can discuss their personal problems with… ~ Shankar Vedantam, Washington Post, June 23, 2006. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/22/AR2006062201763.html

STAT:
Another study in the American Sociological Review indicated that Americans are more socially isolated than they were two decades ago and one out of every four say they don’t have anyone to stand with them in a time of CRISIS. ~ McPherson, Miller; Smith-Lovin, Lynn; Brashears, Matthew E (2006). "Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades" (PDF). American Sociological Review 71 (3): 353–375.

Before her death, Mother Teresa once said, “Loneliness is the leprosy of modern society. And no one wants anyone to know they’re a leper.” ~ John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Til You Get To Know Them.

THOUGHT: With billions of people in the world, someone should be able to figure out a system where no one is lonely.

Somebody has! That somebody is God. And God’s answer is COMMUNITY! God’s answer is deep-level, life-giving RELATIONSHIPS

This week we’re going to talk about a GAME PLAN for connecting with people


John Ortberg describes the importance of connecting with people in his book, The Me I Want To Be: He writes: “Part of what it means to be made in God’s image is our capacity for connectedness… …we flourish when we are connected with God and people, and we languish when we are disconnected. Emotionally isolated people are more prone to depression, anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem, substance abuse, sexual addiction, and difficulties with eating and sleeping.

People who are socially disconnected are between two and five times more likely to die from any cause than those who have close ties to family, friends, and other relationships. People who have bad health habits like cigarette smoking, overeating, elevated blood pressure, and physical inactivity — but who still remain connected — live longer than people who have great health habits but are disconnected…

We were designed to flourish in connectedness.”



In another book on relationships titled, Everybody’s Normal Til You Get To Know Them, Ortberg describes some important research on the subject of relationships.

“One of the most thorough research projects on relationships is called the Alameda County Study. Headed by a Harvard social scientist, it tracked the lives of 7,000 people over nine years. Researchers found that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections.

People who had bad health habits (such as smoking, poor eating habits, obesity, or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated.”


SIDE: In other words, it is better to eat Tortugas pizza, Krispy Kreme donuts, and Starbucks “whatever” with good friends than it is to eat broccoli and cauliflower and drink purified water all alone.

Furthermore, “Harvard researcher Robert Putnam notes that if you belong to no groups but decide to join one, ‘you cut your risk of dying over the next year in half.’” ~ John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal...

THOUGHT: Based on that study, instead of going with the LIVE UNITED Small Groups Campaign, we almost went with something like this, “Join a Small Group or DIE…”

Finally, Ortberg says, “For another study, as reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 276 volunteers were infected with a virus that produces the common cold. The study found that people with strong emotional connections did four times better fighting off illness than those who were more isolated. These people were less susceptible to colds, had less virus, and produced significantly less mucous than relationally isolated subjects. (I’m not making this up. They produced less mucous. This means it is literally true: Unfriendly people are snottier than friendly people.)” ~ John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal...

The book of ACTS gives us an amazing picture what COMMUNITY can look like

Acts 1:14 (NLT), They all met together and were constantly united in prayer…


Acts 2:1 (NIV), When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.

NOTES: Immediately on the heels of what Acts 2 describes as a dramatic outpouring of the Holy Spirit, which also miraculously birthed or launched the church, the Bible gives us a snapshot of what relational life looked like in this first century community…


Acts 2:42-43 (NAS), ...they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.


Community in the first century church seemed to be based on at least three essentials:

• The Word of God was central! “…they were continually devoting themselves to the apostle’s teaching…”


Fellowship or Community was important. “…they were continually devoting themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread…”

NOTES:
The Greek word is “koinonia” and it refers to deep level relationships – relationships that go past the surface to the heart… The word actually means to “share” or “participate.” This is where we get the idea of “doing life together.”

Then it says that this first century community was devoted to “…the breaking of bread…” Most scholars believe that refers to both the Lord’s Supper (Holy Communion), as well as just getting together to eat and hang out…



NOTES:
There’s a great passage that shows up three chapters later, in Acts 5:42. It gives us a picture of how the first century church did life…

Acts 5:42 (NIV 2010), Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.


Two Important Types of Church Gatherings:

o The Large Group — “…they…[met] together in the temple courts…” (Celebration)

o Small Groups — “…they broke bread in their homes…” (Community)

NOTES:
Believers in the first century church formed “little communities.” They formed small groups where believers gathered to do stuff like:

• CONNECT with God and with one another,
• to ENCOURAGE one another to live light’s out for God,
• and, to CARE for one another in a way that honors God and inspires people.


Rom. 16:5, Acts 2:26, 8:3, 16:40, 20:20, 1 Cor. 16:19 and Col. 4:15, Greet the church that meets in their home.

THOUGHT: Believers in the first century church understood that both contexts were essential…

Every believer needs to be part of a small group.


Finally, community was also based on this third essential:

• They were God-centered in their focus… “…they were continually devoting themselves to…prayer…”

Acts 2:43 (NIV 2010), And everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles…

Paul Tripp, in his excellent book on marriage titled, What Did You Expect?, makes this statement about relationships…

“…marriages are fixed vertically before they are ever fixed horizontally. We have to deal with what is driving us before we ever deal with how we are reacting to one another. Every relationship is victimized in some way when we seek to get from the surrounding creation what we were designed to get from God. When God is in his rightful place, then we are on the way to putting people in their rightful place.”

THOUGHT: The relationships that developed in the first century church weren’t centered around “me” getting “you” to meet “my” needs… These relationships were God-centered!

As believers stood in the aftermath of what God had accomplished on the cross through His Son, Jesus Christ, they were blown away by God’s love for them, and God’s love for them enabled them to love one another…



Acts 2:44-47 (NIV 2010), All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.


Four Essential Keys to Life-Giving Relationships:

1. ACCEPTANCE: “You belong… You are welcome… I love you, regardless…”

THOUGHTS: Acceptance isn’t synonymous with approval… Acceptance doesn’t mean that I “approve” of everything a person says or does… Acceptance basically looks at other people the same way Christ looked at us and says, “Come exactly as you are. I like you. I love you, regardless.”


Romans 15:7 (NLT), Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.


John Burke says, “Acceptance is the most tangible out-working of grace…” ~ John Burke, No Perfect People Allowed

“Acceptance means you are valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You are not forced into someone else’s idea of who you are. It means that your ideas are taken seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside, why you feel that way, and someone really cares." ~ Gladys Hunt, Eternity Magazine, October 1969.

John Ortberg writes, “Acceptance is an act of the heart…To accept someone is to affirm to them that you think it’s a very good thing they are alive. We communicate this in a hundred ways, but the most powerful way is to listen with patience and compassion…”

Finally, John Burke nails it when he compares the world’s value of tolerance over the biblical value of acceptance. Burke says: “…the world can’t offer grace, in its absence, it found an inexpensive substitute: tolerance.

…The very idea of toleration implies enduring or putting up with something you don’t like or value. Our culture diets on the candy of tolerance, but what it really craves is the meat of grace. Tolerance doesn’t value people but simply puts up with their behavior or beliefs…”
~ John Burke, No Perfect People Allowed


2. AUTHENTICITY: “You can be real… You can be vulnerable… You never have to fake it when we’re together…”

NOTES:
To be authentic means to be real, the genuine article, “what people see is what they get.”

Authenticity means “self-disclosure, transparency, and ruthless honesty…” It means who we are on the INSIDE is consistent with the way we present ourselves on the OUTSIDE…

We refuse to paste on plastic smiles… We refuse to wear masks or play relational games… We value truth above making a good impression…

People in deep-level, life-giving relationships get past the superficial give one another person permission to BE REAL…



John Ortberg writes: “In the church, we have a sin problem. The problem is not just that we sin — everyone has that problem. Our problem is that we can’t talk about it. Our problem is that we pretend we don’t have a problem…” ~ John Ortberg, The Me I Want To Be

THOUGHTS: And that’s too bad… There’s a great phrase that shows up in Acts 2:46.

Acts 2:46b (NIV 2010), They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts…

NOTES:
Underline the word “sincere.”

There’s a great story about where the word “sincere” came from… The ancient Romans used to prize Greek sculptures for their aesthetic excellence. The statues were already a few centuries old, however, and some of them had cracks or gaps where marble was missing…

Vendors discovered… Retailers discovered that if they put wax in the sculptures, these figures looked great — at least for a while… The wax looked like real marble, but over time, the wax would turn yellow and harden until it became apparent that the statue was not totally authentic…

So, when vendors wanted to sell a statue and it was all marble – when it was the “real deal” through and through – they would mark it “sine,” which is the Latin word for “without,” and then “cera,” which is the Latin word for “wax.”

“Sine cera.” “Without wax.”


Acts 2:46b says that in the first century church, people met together in their homes “…with glad and sincere hearts…” These believers were “without wax…” This group of believers cultivated a “come as you are” kind of culture!

These believers never forgot their roots… They knew that Jesus started with a group of rugged, independent and crusty fisherman and said, “Come, follow me…”

They knew, Jesus started with a woman who had failed at marriage five times and was presently involved in a “live in relationship” with potentially number six. Jesus offered her living water and gave her a new lease on life. His message: “Come as you are.”

They knew, Jesus started with a woman caught in the very act of adultery and accepted her just as she was and then said, “Go now, and sin no more.”

People in the first century church understood that in Jesus’ day people didn’t get themselves together, clean themselves up, wash themselves off and straighten out their character and then come to Jesus. They came to Jesus just as they were... So they decided to create the same kind of culture…

Relationships soar when we give people permission to be authentic… When we say to people…

Come as you are…with your doubts!
Come as you are…with your agnosticism!
Come as you are…with your atheism!
Come as you are…with your broken heart!
Come as you are…with your family problems!
Comes as you are…with your alcoholism!
Comes as you are…with your addictions!
Comes as you are…with the divorce that has scarred you life!
Come as you are…with your financial meltdowns!
Come as you are…with your skin color and social standing!
Come as you are…with your sins, mistakes, imperfections and flaws!

I love what C.S. Lewis said about this… He wrote:

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis


3. DEVOTION: “You can count on me. I am completely devoted to you. I am ready and willing to share my time, energy and even my possessions with you.”

Acts 2:42 (NIV), They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

NOTES:
Circle the phrase, “They devoted themselves…” This is one of Luke’s favorite expressions. He used it in Acts 1:14 when he said that the disciples “…devoted themselves to meeting together…”

He used the same Greek word in Acts 2:46 when he wrote, “Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together…”

But in Acts 2:42 he uses it to say, “…they devoted themselves to…the fellowship…”

The first century church was marked by deep levels of devotion and loyalty. Here's what the word “devotion” means. The Greek word means “a binding promise” or “a pledge…” “…a binding promise or pledge…”

The believers in the first century church were people of the promise. They were people who had bound themselves to GOD and bound themselves to ONE ANOTHER. They had made a vow.

In fact, the word “devotion” carries the idea of “enduring” or “sticking to and with something” even when it would be easier to give up and give out.



“A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you’ve become, and still invites you to grow.” ~ Stu Weber


4. UNITY: “I’m committed to unity and oneness. I refuse to tolerate unresolved conflict, walk in bitterness or resentment and settle for quasi-community.”

Acts 4:32 (MSG), The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind!


QUESTIONS:
Is there unresolved conflict between you and someone else? Some other member of the body of Christ? If so, why? What are you going to do about it?

Do you ever speak negatively about someone behind their back to a third party? Do you ever do that?

Do you ever expect other people to be tolerant and forgiving of you, because after all, you’re human; but you refuse to offer the same kind of patience and forgiveness towards them?

Do you ever shut people out by giving them the “cold shoulder”? It’s not that your openly hostile, you just make it so uncomfortable that it’s obvious as to where you stand.



CLOSING QUESTIONS:

• What relationships need to be initiated?

• What relationships need to be nurtured?

• What relationships need to be restored?

• What relationships need to be ended?



Note: Thanks to Craig Groeschel and his excellent book, Chazown for these questions…

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