Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Story of Us - REAL MARRIAGE Part 1 Extended Notes

The Story of Us (Extended Notes)
REAL MARRIAGE – Part 1

February 5, 2012 / Chris Goins / a2 Church

REAL MARRIAGE Resources
Take your relationships to the next level with these resources:

The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller with Grace Keller

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll

What Did You Expect by Paul Tripp


EXTENDED NOTES: The Bible begins with a wedding, but it quickly moves to a war… Marriage gets lived out in the context of a battlefield…

STAT: Did you know that Alabama has the 3rd highest divorce rate in the nation for men and the 4th highest divorce rate in the nation for women.

Revelation 12:11, “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much 
as to shrink from death.”


Ephesians 5:21-33 (NIV84), Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church–30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(See Genesis 2:21-24)


Four Foundational Questions:

1. What is marriage? What is the definition of marriage? What is it all about? (See Ephesians 5:31 and Genesis 2:24)


Genesis 2:24 (NIV84), For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 (KJV), “…a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 (ESV), “…a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife…”

Covenant means: to bind; a binding agreement; that which binds us together; a solemn vow; a sacred pledge.

The Jesus Storybook Bible describes covenant love as “a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”


“…marriage [is] a sacred covenant rooted in covenant commitments that stand against every storm…” — John Piper, This Momentary Marriage, pages 24.

“Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love, but a mutually binding promise of future love.” — Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, page 78 Kindle Version.


IMPORTANT: Marriage is a covenant made before God and with your spouse. It’s more than a declaration of present love or feelings of chemistry, passion and emotion. It is a mutually binding promise of future love, regardless!


Tim Keller writes: “Imagine a house with an A-frame structure. The two sides of the home meet at the top and hold one another up. But underneath, the foundation holds up both of the sides. So the covenant with and before God strengthens the partners to make a covenant with each other. Marriage is therefore the deepest of human covenants.”The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller


TRIANGLE DIAGRAM


2. What is the purpose of marriage?

The ultimate purpose of marriage is the glory of God! But Ephesians 5:21-33 reveals at least two practical purposes for marriage.


Two Practical Purposes for Marriage:

(1) It is part of God’s design to transform our lives and make us holy. It is a catalyst for transformational change. (See Eph 5:24-27 and Phil 1:6)

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV84), Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

The NLT reads, “…to present her to himself as a glorious church…”

The ESV reads, “…that he might present the church to himself in splendor…”

Philippians 1:6 (NLT), And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.


“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” — Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage


Three Practical Implications:

• Expect confrontation and conflict.


“My years as a psychologist have slowly taught me a difficult to believe fact. The amount of conflict in a marriage only determines the speed at which the marriage is moving towards greatness or destruction. If you want to sit still in your marriage, rule out all conflict. If you want your marriage to crash and burn, let the conflict rage, but refuse to learn the skills necessary for managing it. Well-managed conflict is like a stairway that can lead you to higher and higher levels of marital greatness.” — Dr. Neil Clark Warren


• Get clarity on what you’re looking for in a spouse.

Some Questions To Ask:
- Do you share the same spiritual values?
- Does this person share a high view of God?
- Does this person have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
- Is this someone who can be my best friend and most trusted counselor?



• Realize that there’s nothing better than being loved by someone you really respect.


(2) It bridges the gap between the sexes or genders. (See Eph 5:22-25)

Ephesians 5:22-23 (NIV84), Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…

Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home. — John Piper

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV84), Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…


3. What is essential for a marriage to thrive? What is the power that sustains a great marriage?

Ephesians 5:18-19 (NIV84), Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord…

Great relationships are the by-product of being filled with the Holy Spirit and gripped by the gospel of Jesus Christ. (See John 16:13-14; Ephesians 3:16-18)


4. What was marriage designed to illustrate or demonstrate? What does marriage point to? (See Eph 5:32 and Rev 19:1-10)

“The Bible begins with a wedding (of Adam and Eve) and ends in the book of Revelation with a wedding (of Christ and the church). Marriage is God’s idea.” — Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage


Human marriage is a reflection or reminder of the “ultimate marriage.” It reminds us that one day we will be united with Christ in a way that meets our deepest longings and needs.


CLOSING THOUGHT: The best gift you can give yourself and your marriage is a rock solid understanding of your personal identity in Jesus Christ!