That’s why right now, while you’re reading this post, you are also having a simultaneous dialogue with yourself about what you think about what you're reading, while also putting together this week’s grocery list at the same time.
On top of that, research indicates that our internal dialogue – the conversations we have with ourselves – take place at a rate of 1,300 words per minute — or 5-7 times the rate at we speak and 2.5 times the rate at which we listen. Because our mind sees in pictures, we can see a thought in a nanosecond.
Here’s the rub... One counselor says that “seventy percent of the words we say to ourselves are negative.” Seventy percent! And most of this negative self-talk is subconscious or unconscious. That means, we usually aren’t even aware of all that we are saying to ourselves. We’re usually just on autopilot. Furthermore, we repeat the same statements – the same negative self-talk to ourselves – 95% of the time.
- “I can’t do this.”
- “My marriage is falling apart. My kids are a nightmare!"
- “I’ll never have enough money.”
- “I’ll always struggle with this addiction… I’m an addict… I’ll always be an addict…"
- "I’m fat… I’m ugly… I’m dumb… I’m inferior…"
- "I’ll always be late..."
- "I’ll always be this way…"
- "I'm not good enough… Not worthy enough…"
- "I’ll never be accepted, loved or wanted…”
You get the picture. Unfortunately, this negative self-talk sets the direction and forms the foundation of our lives. It's often dictated or driven by one or any combination of four things…
Four Counterfeits That Influence “Self-Talk”:
1. FEAR
Fear can be paralyzing and life-altering. The opposite of fear isn't hate, it's love. This is why so many of us struggle with insecurity and inferiority. Fear produces these toxic emotions. The good news is that there is an answer!
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...
—1 John 4:16-18 NIV
But what’s amazing is that if we really were to “put the fear of God in someone,” then they would be free from fear, because according to 1 John 4:18, “perfect loves drives out fear.”
Contrary to the way many of us have been raised, God doesn’t want to keep you bound in fear. The opposite of fear is love, and God wants to saturate you with love (see Romans 5:1-5).
Fear isn’t always a by-product of our circumstances or situations. Sometimes fear is an indication of what we really believe about God. "Do I believe God loves me? Do I believe God is with me? Do I believe God is for me? Do I believe God actually wants to bless me?"
2. GUILT
Guilt is how we feel about the things we’ve done. It's the normal response of our conscience when we rebel against God, amp up on other people, or hurt the people we love. Guilt is self-condemnation for the things we do… It is not always bad… In fact, without it, we would probably all be narcissists.
3. SHAME
Shame, on the other hand is devastating! It's how we feel about ourselves. It's self-condemnation for who we are. It’s a feeling of heaviness or weight that hangs over us… It’s a sense of disgust that we have with ourselves…
Shame isn't about the bad things we’ve done, it’s about who we are. It says to us day after day, “You are unworthy! You are unloved! You are inadequate! You are inferior. “
4. CONDEMNATION
Condemnation is the accusing voice of the evil one who regularly whispers to us that we are bad, unworthy and unloveable. It can be debilitating.
How can we break free from the devastating power of negative self-talk?
It is possible!
Positive declarations and affirmations in and of themselves aren't enough. They may temporarily change your mood or attitude, but they lack the power to change your life.
God's Word, on the other hand, is powerful!
Hebrews 4:12 says that "...the word of God is full of living power! It is alive and active."
Isaiah 55:11 says, “…the words You [God] speak will not return to You without producing results. They will do exactly
what You sent them to do.”
Changing our self-talk is the by-product of three crucial decisions that we must make daily.
Three Crucial Decisions We Make Daily:
1. Stay focused on the finished work of Christ!
We can change our self-talk by reminding ourself of what Jesus accomplished when He died for our sins and in our place! By resting in the fact that Jesus said, "It is finished!" (Jn 19:30)
Three Crucial Decisions We Make Daily:
1. Stay focused on the finished work of Christ!
We can change our self-talk by reminding ourself of what Jesus accomplished when He died for our sins and in our place! By resting in the fact that Jesus said, "It is finished!" (Jn 19:30)
By reminding ourself of His victorious, death-defying, hell-defeating resurrection! (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Religion will always be spelled, "D-O." It's about what you've got to DO to be made right with God! The Gospel, on the other hand, is always spelled, "D-O-N-E." It is about what Jesus has already DONE!
Daily we need to remind ourselves about the extravagant grace and amazing love of God demonstrated by what Jesus did on the cross! Every time we do, it kicks Satan and his minions in the teeth and reaffirms our identity in Christ!
Remember, "They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb..." (Rev 12:11)
2. Read, meditate on and declare the Word of God over your life!
Religion will always be spelled, "D-O." It's about what you've got to DO to be made right with God! The Gospel, on the other hand, is always spelled, "D-O-N-E." It is about what Jesus has already DONE!
Daily we need to remind ourselves about the extravagant grace and amazing love of God demonstrated by what Jesus did on the cross! Every time we do, it kicks Satan and his minions in the teeth and reaffirms our identity in Christ!
Remember, "They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb..." (Rev 12:11)
2. Read, meditate on and declare the Word of God over your life!
We can change our self-talk by reading, meditating on and declaring the Word of God over our lives. Remember, "faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God!" (Romans 10:17)
I love what D.L. Moody wrote more than one hundred years ago. Some of the language is a bit archaic, but it's so good.
"Take the promises of God. Let a man feed for a month on the promises of God, and he will not talk about how poor he is. You hear people say, ‘Oh, my leanness! How lean I am!” It is not their leanness, but their laziness. If you would only read from Genesis to Revelation and see all the promises of God to Abraham, to Isaac, to Jacob, to the Jews, and to the Gentiles, and to all His people everywhere – if you would spend a month feeding on the promises of God – you wouldn’t go about complaining how poor you are. You would lift up your head and proclaim the riches of His Grace, because you couldn’t help doing it!” —Dwight L Moody, 1837-1899
3. Stay connected in a life-giving community!
You need people in your life who remind you of your identity as a son or daughter of God, who agree together with you in prayer, who remind you that you are not alone, that God is for you and not against you, that you will get through this! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Matthew 18:19)
These people are not judgmental or critical, they simply refuse to allow you to drift into self-imposed negativity and self-condemnation. When you are weak, they provide much needed strength! They lift you up! They encourage and inspire you! If necessary, they give you a "loving" kick in the backside to knock you out of the self-pity that does nothing but keep you locked in a downward spiral! They challenge you to keep trusting in the finished work of the cross, to remember "whose" you are and who you are, and to keep declaring God's Word over your life!
These three simple decisions will help you transform your self-talk and grow into your identity as a much loved child of God!
3. Stay connected in a life-giving community!
You need people in your life who remind you of your identity as a son or daughter of God, who agree together with you in prayer, who remind you that you are not alone, that God is for you and not against you, that you will get through this! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Matthew 18:19)
These people are not judgmental or critical, they simply refuse to allow you to drift into self-imposed negativity and self-condemnation. When you are weak, they provide much needed strength! They lift you up! They encourage and inspire you! If necessary, they give you a "loving" kick in the backside to knock you out of the self-pity that does nothing but keep you locked in a downward spiral! They challenge you to keep trusting in the finished work of the cross, to remember "whose" you are and who you are, and to keep declaring God's Word over your life!
These three simple decisions will help you transform your self-talk and grow into your identity as a much loved child of God!
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